Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
