I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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