I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
