non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
