so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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