We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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