Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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