of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
