I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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