just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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