I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
