if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
