So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
