my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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