Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
