Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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