I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
