I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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