White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
