so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
