Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
