apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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