i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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