I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
