I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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