so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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