why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
