3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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