Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
