WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
