What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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