I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
