a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
