I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you had me at cake vodka
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize