Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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