At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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