his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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