More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
