I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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