Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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