So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just pee around me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
