If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
