i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.