like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis