ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex