I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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