WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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