belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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