Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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