yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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