last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
