hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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