i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
