Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
