That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
