At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
