i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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