she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
