nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I want her autograph on my taint
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
