I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
