Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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