if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
